Loneliness

It is something hard to admit, but most of the time I feel very lonely. It's not living by myself that bothers me, but never having someone to share life with.

I'll soon be 70 years old and have been a widow for almost 5 years now. But it seems like the days are getting lonelier. Coming home to an empty house will never get easy.

 

All I ever wanted in life was to be a wife, mother, and grandmother. Those roles fulfill me very much. But in this day and age, families aren't as close as they use to be.

My family is spread out everywhere. Texas, Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio, and North Carolina.

I always wanted a big family that lived close by each other and at least one day a week, we would all get together and have a big family meal. And grandkids would always be filling my house with laughter and spending days and nights with me.

I know my family loves me and worries about me, but they have their own lives; and that is the way it should be. And I have all sons. We always taught them that their wives and families should be their first priority.

Even when you are around other people, there's a loneliness. I love traveling, but that doesn't interest as much. I don't have anyone to share the memories with - plus you have to be financially able to travel everywhere you would like to.

So here I am. Another lonely night of watching meaningless television shows, falling asleep on my couch, eating peanut butter sandwiches for supper (it's no fun cooking for one), and trying to figure out what to do with myself.

 

Please don't feel sorry for me, because that is not what I want. And getting older doesn't bother me. I think I just needed to express my feelings a little bit.

I always tell my kids that one day they will find me lying on the floor. I've fallen and I laid there undiscovered for days, maybe weeks. I'll be just a skeleton of my former self. "It could happen!" 

 

Well, I'm through feeling sorry myself - I'm going to watch another Hallmark movie where the people are going to fall in love and live happily ever after.

 

Really, I am very blessed and thankful for the life I do have. I have a wonderful place to live and  I am very thankful that I have a good church to go to, my friends (some of them are widows with the same feelings) and I am so blessed to have the greatest family a person can have.

 

Just sometimes it gets lonely....

Angel Kisses

Sunday morning, in Childrens Church was the cutest little girl. She was about 5 years old and her nose and cheeks were covered in freckles. I asked her where she got all those cute little freckles.

 

With hands on hips, she emphatically informed me, "These are not freckles, they're Angel Kisses. Every time someone kisses me or hugs me, I get a new angel kiss."

 

Well, I'm here to inform you that all of these beautiful age spots that keep appearing on my face at an alarming rate are in fact ANGEL KISSES!

A Saturday Morning Adventure

I had heard of a plantation in the town of Grimesland that they are restoring. This morning, I thought that would be fun to go and see it. It was about 30 minutes from where I live.

I wasn't able to get inside to see it. Hopefully after they have it all restored you'll be able to take tours.

 

So I just enjoyed my morning drive. It was warm outside, but I turned the air conditioner off on the car and put the windows down. The outside air reminded me of summer with the smell of mowed grass and the wind coming in the window.  It brought back childhood memories of when my family would go on Sunday afternoon drives.

I did get to see a new born colt prancing around the field with its mommy.  Seeing new born life gives you a feeling of hope.  It was a great adventure.

 

 

 

Dressing For My Age

As I was going through my closet, I thought I need to go shopping. My clothes are getting old, faded, and out of style (kind of like me). Problem - I'm not good at buying clothes. I don't like spending a lot of money on clothes and what does a woman my age wear.

 

I'm not ready to dress like my mother and I don't want to look like an old lady trying to be a wanna be teenager. 

 

Something has happened to my body through the years. There's bumps, muffin tops, fat that use to not be there, and saggy skin. It's really not fair. Nothing looks right anymore. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME????  It's those changing leaves of autumn.

 

Inside I still have a heart of a kid and that is what is important -  Not what a person looks like on the outside. As we age, hopefully our beauty goes from our faces and bodies into our hearts, where we learn to be kind and thoughtful of others around us; and where we can laugh and most important laugh at ourselves. A person grows old if they forget how to laugh.

Happy Years

The Center for Economic Performance recently did a study on what ages people are the most happy. The study came up with the conclusion that 23 and 69 are the happiest years in a person's life.

 

I was remembering when I was 23. It was a happy time in my life. We had just purchased our first home, we were a son with expectations of more children added to our family. I was young, excited about the future, and felt like I had the world on a string.

 

After that they say your happiness kind of goes downhill until you reach the age of 55 and that is a turning point in your life and your happiness starts to climb again.  When you reach 69 most people feel a certain satisfaction and happiness with their lives.

 

Happiness starts to decline again at the age of 75.

 

I'm 69. I feel happy because I am retired. I feel I have a little more wisdom than I did when I was younger and also quite a bit more confidence in myself. It's an age where there are still all kind of possibilities. One of the best parts of being 69 is Grandkids. I really feel very satisfied at this age.

 

I feel a person can be happy at any age. When we are younger, extraordinary experiences make us happy. Falling in love, getting married, holding that new born baby.

As we age, we enjoy the ordinary experiences more. I love a walk, a good meal, quiet times, smelling the roses.

 

I believe happiness is all about attitude and personality. 

As Dr. Seuss says -

 

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”  

Soaking It In

When my husband was sick, he would be sitting in his recliner and I would go over and put my head against him. He would always ask, "Are you okay?"  I would tell him that I was just soaking him in.

I wanted to soak in everything about him - I never wanted to forget him. I wanted to feel him near to me for a long time.

 

After I read my Bible this morning, I pressed it against me. I thought what a wonderful thing if I could soak in all the wonderful promises in God's word so that I would never forget them.

 

Sometimes when I'm afraid, I could remember what God said about fear - 

 

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Isaiah 41:10

I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 34:4

 

When I feel my world in tumult and answers don't seem to come and I need peace -  

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

  

And there are so many times when I feel so all alone -

 

Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

Matthew 28:20

 

 

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Proberbs 18:24

 

 

And sometimes I'm depressed and I hate that word "depressed". I always want to be on top of that mountain, but sometimes I fall in the valley.

 

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart,

all ye that hope in the Lord. 

Psalm 34:24

 

And ever once in a while my faith wanes -

 

So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

Romans 10:17

 

I know I need to read my Bible and get closer to my God.

 

And no matter how hard I pray and try to turn things over to God - WORRY comes along -

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

I Peter 5:7

 

And God's greatest promise - the hope of eternal life.

 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

John 3:16

 

 

 Verily, verily, I say unto you,

He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.

John 6:47

 

 

Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.

In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

John 14:1-3

 

I know I have that promise of eternal life because on July 25, 1972, I trusted Jesus as my Savior.

 

 

The Singing of the Birds

This morning I awoke to hear birds singing outside. It just makes me feel good and alive. It makes me feel there is hope.

 

I always liked the fairy tale "The Nightingale" by Hans Christian Andersen.

 

The Emperor of China had heard that the most beautiful thing in his empire is the singing of the nightingale. So he ordered that the Nightingale be brought to the palace. There the nightingale sings and becomes the emperor's favorite.

But one day the Emperor is given a beautiful, jeweled, mechanical bird. Soon it replaces the nightingale as the emperor's favorite and so the Nightingale returns to the forest. The mechanical bird finally breaks and the emperor becomes deathly ill.

The Nightingale,  upon hearing about the Emperor, returns to the palace and again sings for the Emperor. The Emperor quickly recovers as he hears the beautiful singing of the Nightingale.

 

Sometimes in life we replace things that are real with things that are only temporary or that really don't last.

 

When if we just look around us at what we already have. 

 

This morning when I heard the birds sing, I thought God has given me a new day, new mercies, a new day to enjoy all the many blessings that He has given me.

I really already have the song of the nightingale in my life.

 

Every time I get a hug from one of my grandkids, I already have all the riches I need in the world.

When a friend writes me an encouraging note - I don't need to find new friends, I just need to cherish the ones I already have.

 

Thank you God for the beautiful song I heard this morning.